Tale of a Doucher..

Didn't want to believe it and then I read it

ovah here.
Then it was everywhere.

Next came this shit.

And then the final straw.

What a total fucking doucher. 




Seriously? 


You are going to cheat on Sandra Bullock? The nicest chick on the freaking planet? The one that was so incredibly eloquent and thoughtful during her award speeches? 

Who looks like a fox at 45? Who gushed about your awesomeness to everyone? 

The lady who had sex with hott Gosling?

I wonder if when you shed that tear at the Oscars, it was because of the VD you contracted from that ho you slept with and it burns when you sit for long periods of time or when you have to pee pee.


And yes she is a ho. Fo sho. A ho who will sell herself for a story.


And you texted her? 

Are you a RE-tard? For reals? 

Those texts are not invisible you know. Everyone can read them. She doesn't have a special fucking decoder ring that no one else has and will reveal your dirty birdness to only her.


And she targeted you, you fucking idiot! That ho got some cash, ruined your marriage and embarrassed your wife all in one fail swoop. 


All he needs to do now is watch some Dane Cook, hang out with Brett Ratner and listen to Puddle of Mud and he has completed the Doucher Quadfecta.


This Oscar curse is like 2012. 

I wonder if the Mayans wrote about this way back in the dizay.




I am perturbed by this whole travishamockery.

First Kristen Stewart won BAFTA's Rising Star Award. She could have washed and done her hair but I digress.

Then she totally dismissed the award because it was voted on by the public and she thinks the Twilight loonies struck again.

Then the super eloquent and way hot dude that one the award last year, straight up makes her recognize that this is an honor and she should stop acting like she smells poo everywhere she goes.

I used to cut this girl some slack cause she's young and whatever but I now realize that she is a total lameo and everything with her is a freaking chore.

Watch the bitch slap here.

Q: When is Holding Hands Inappropriate ?

A: I'm going to say when you are married to someone for 15 years and are photographed on the streets of London with your lovely Parisian co-star, looking like you luuvvve each other.

Witness.

Yep.

Ewan, I heart you but damn!

Wake up San Francisco, this does not look like a friendship hand hold.

This looks like I just boned down with this chick and we are basking in the after glow hand hold.

Trouble for a Hot Guy.

Gael Garcia Bernal. What can I say about his hottness? Well, he is a little on the short side but still very, very hot. Like a teeny hot little person.

So it looks like he is having some trouble with his baby mama. The baby in the baby mama equation may not be his.

Which makes me think, what in the hell dumb girl with the last name Fonzi? Why would you front on my Gael?

You can read all about it here.

Did I mention that she is a dummy? Well, she is.

just checking.

yep. still fabulous.

believe it or not, i'm walking on air..

It took a once bearded freak to bring me back from the depths of gossip despair.

My joaquin is alive, alive! And better the freaking ever!
Witness.

The best part is that my BFF Liv and her glorious red hair share time with him in the PSA.

I bet they totally made out and she has been just soooo busy that she hasn't had time to call me and give the deets.

Yeah. That's what happened.